Monday, January 16, 2012


When I found out that I was pregnant, I always thought that it would bring me closer to my friends, especially the ones who already had kids, but in fact the opposite seemed to happen. Not the fault of my friends at all, it was me. I seemed to become closed off and kept to myself. My relationship with my mom flourished, which was awesome because we were already close, but I am not sure why I held back from my friends. It wasn't a purposeful decision, it just happened. Even my best friend Crystal had said to me "I thought when you became pregnant, that we'd become closer" but nothing really changed.

Even now, I would much rather stay at home with my son, and am not really interested in going out, or leaving him at home while I do something without him. I really don't know why. It's just me and Riley, and I am completely happy with that. It's not that I don't love my friends is that I don't want to hand out with them, I just want to always be with Riley. I am not sire if it is a first time mother thing, a single mother thing, both or neither. It's weird.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Thanks for nothing, Fairview.

I am not usually one to complain about a place too much, there are things I may not like too much about some places, but nothing like this. First of all, I love my OB and NP and of course Riley's doctor but everything else, is a horrible disappointment.

Last Monday, I made an appointment for myself and for Riley as we were both feeling pretty crappy. Riley's appointment went very well, they almost did more then they needed to to ensure that Riley was getting all the care he needed to get better. As far as my appointment, no such luck. I first of all, waited for about 10 minutes in the room, waiting for the doctor to even come in and see me. It was very hot, and of course I was sick, so I started to feel like I was going to throw up. Finally, when the doctor came in, I told her that I was going to through up. She looked at me and rolled her eyes, as if she had better things to do then to deal with a patient who was going to throw up. If i wasn't feeling so horrible, I more then likely would have yelled at her. Once I finally felt that I wasn't going to throw up, I was telling her my symptoms, told her my chest was hurting and I thought that I may have pneumonia, and I wanted to double check because I have a little one at home and the last thing he needs is to catch that. I have had this twice before, so I know the drill and what they test you for to check. She listened to my back/lungs for 30 seconds, and said "You're lungs sound good" and that's all she did to address my chest pain. When I had also told her about pain I have had in my right armpit/boob area, she simply said "Just throw your bra away." Needless to say, she did NOTHING for me, and I still had bad chest pain.

So, I went and saw my NP the very next day. She of course addressed my armpit/boob pain very thoroughly, and listened to my chest, and said that it sounded fine, but if I wanted to do a chest x-ray to be double sure it was clear, that we could do that. Awesome, amazing, just what I wanted, someone to listen and understand. So, I got my chest x-ray done and was told that my NP would have my results by the early to mid afternoon. I didn't get my results until 2 days later. I was livid. I contacted the clinic later that same day, because I was told my results would be in, to see if my results had come in, and they said the lab hadn't sent anything to them and that my NP was off the following day, so I would have to wait a whole day to get my results because no one thought it was important enough to let the patient know what he chest x-ray did show.

I always thought that when you told the hospital that you were having chest pains that they'd jump all over you asap, because chest pains are not good? My pain fell on deaf ears. My NP did what I wanted, which is why I love her, but that hospital cannot do a simple task. My chest x-ray came back clear, but I was still having chest pains. I had mentioned pleurisy to a couple of doctors and that also fell on deaf ears.

It's been about a week since this has all happened. I still have mild chest pain every now and then, and I've been trying multiple different drugs to help with the pain. For the most part it is gone, and I'm feeling better, but I am so disappointed and disgusted with the care I got, that if I have any emergency, I am going to drive my butt down to Regions, or any other hospital because I want to make sure I get better and not ignored.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


It's hard to express your feelings sometimes, and sometimes it is easier to do it where no one will see, I totally get that. I do think some issues need to be talked about though. I try not to be mean, or passive aggressive but let's face it, I come off that way a lot. I don't do it on purpose or with intentions of hurting people, it just comes out. I know what it is like to get upset and hold it in because you either don't want to come across as a bitch or whatever, but I have learned you sometimes just need to talk about things that are bothering you.

I don't expect anyone to do anything for me, but when people do then get mad because I didn't do it myself, how am I suppose to deal with that? I never asked you to do anything so how can you get upset at me about it? There are certain things I beat myself up for, and I feel like I have wasted my precious time with Riley. I don't talk about it because it makes me feel like I am a failure as a mother. I put my own pressure and ideals on myself, its hard to handle other peoples pressure when I never asked for it.

Those are just my thoughts.

Sunday, January 1, 2012


It is so crazy to me to think that this time last year, I had a 5 day old baby. Wow. I wasn't expecting him until January 8th, he arrived 10 days early! My life hasn't been the same since, it's been more wonderful then I could every imagine!!