Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Work, Website and what not!

Ha, I just made a funny joke in my head. Today is Wednesday and my post is 3 W's, Work, Website and What not! Oh, I am so easily amused! Anyway, so my hours are FINALLY picking up at work, which is nice, but I got so used to being at home all the time, I really don't want to work at Target lol. It's nice though, nice people, pay isn't great, but it is a job right? But I recently re-designed an authors website and I want to do that all the time!! She was so thankful and appreciative and is spreading the love about me and that is just awesome! Being able to help anyone out like that makes me feel great!! I really hope I can continue to do more, and make it more of a constant thing. I did add my book covers and what not into the section names Redbird Designs. Make it a little easier for people to find. I can do many different things, bookmarks, websites, book cover, character banners etc... so I'm hoping the new section will help.

I'm off to bed, because I work again tomorrow, which is good money but again I'm totally not used to!! Check out my design, e-mail me if you have any questions!!!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Sad thoughts :(

The hardest thing in the world for me is dating. It has always been a problem. I was always the girl in high school who wanted a boyfriend so bad, but never got one, or if I did, not a very good one. My high school "sweetheart" and I broke up with my high school boyfriend in 2001,a few months after I graduated, and went about 2-3 years without dealing with guys, just focusing on school and what not, then I decided to chase my dream of being an Professional Wrestler. Oh yeah, you read that correctly. Check me out!

Anyway, I started wrestling and I met a lot of awesome people, and a lot of guys. But the same things happened here just like they did in high school. Always wanted to date someone but no one wanted to seriously date,or if thy did, they were not good for me. I eventually quit, for multiple reasons, but I really needed to get away from the drama.

So I leave wrestling, and meet guys here and there at the bars or places I went to hang out with my friends. Again, not good guys for me. So I decide to try a dating website. I signed up for and that is where I met Jon. That is where everything changed for me. Jon was super cute and we got along great, I really like him and vice versa, and I remember him saying to me one night when we were driving around. He said "I'm scared/sad because I really like you." Little did I know at the time, the reason he said that was because he was an alcoholic and he knew he was going to destroy me, and that's exactly what he did.

Me and Jon were together for about 8 months. He never abused me or anything horrible like that,  but what he did was tear apart all my trust and faith that I had in people. He got me to completely fall for him before he told me he was an alcoholic, and of course by then, I had already fallen for him, so like any naive girl, I wanted to help him. I know now that people with addiction can only get help if they want it, and they have to do a lot of it alone, mentally. Back then, I didn't know that. I would have done anything for him, I drove him to get beer all the time, snuck booze for him at my parents house everything. Eventually he cheated on me. By that time he was tired of my parents I think, they could see him for what he was, but of course I couldn't. And like a fool, I took him back. He eventually left to go stay with his "friend" in another state, which he told me later , he got her pregnant. He came back into my life a few times since then and it took all my strength that I have built up since he destroyed me and the help of my friend Jamie, who was the one he cheated on me with (we didnt know each other at the time) to tell him I was done and to not call me anymore.

After that whole mess, when I met guys or got into a relationship, things were different. I started to nit pick people so I wouldn't like them anymore, so I wouldn't get hurt. Of course, that doesn't work because I got hurt even more in the end. Sadly, this still seems to be the case. It happened wit Riley's father too, but I forced myself to move past it, and I was starting to, then that whole mess happened. I'm ashamed I have allowed these men to mess me up so badly, but I don't know how to fix it. I feel they have turned me into this shallow girl who demands perfection or I will just through possible love interests away.

I so deeply want to be in love and have a bigger family, I have said to my friends before that if it was just me and Riley for the rest of my life I'd be okay with that, and I honestly would, I guess I just ever thought that is actually what it will end up being. I just hate what has happened to me and I don't know how to fix i, to find that love that is waiting for me.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Random thoughts...

So finally I am getting more hours at work. It will be nice to actually make money that I can use to buy things, instead of just pay bills. Welcome to adulthood I guess right? Seriously though, no one can survive on the little pay I have been getting. Thank goodness I am able to live with my parents still while I have Riley. He loves it here too, lets be honest, so do I! hehe. Sadly, even though I am getting more hours, it still isn't enough for me to feel comfortable for those weeks that I do not get scheduled many hours. I so very much love making book covers and character banners, as you can see, but I honestly have no idea on how to marked myself. Any idea would be helpful!

Onto another awesome thing, I recently just finished a book and wrote a review for Intangible. WOW, I am SO in love with his book. Here is comments the author made to me about my review:

"I'm so thrilled to hear have no idea. :-) Yours is one of the BEST reviews. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" - J. Meyers

Another reason, yet again, I love reading and reviewing books. Seriously, you need to check this book out, it will blow your mind!